Saturday, January 5, 2013

The Gift Of A Scary Diagnosis and Committing To Self-Care in 2013...

I'm all I've got... 

Dear Ones,

I have struggled with my weight for years and like so many other things that I haven't dealt with that was one of them and it was getting worse. Oddly, despite the weight my physicals have shown me to be amazingly healthy in other ways but things will catch up with you sooner or later and I will be 59 in April. This was the year it caught up with me. 

At my yearly physical the beginning of December the words that I had never wanted to hear (And of course chose to believe I never would...) "You are tipping into diabetes," changed my life in an instant. I came home with a blood sugar monitor, 2 kinds of medication, and cried for days. I weighed 342 pounds and if you think that's easy for me to write here you should see the near terror on my face as I do so. I do it because my work in this life is to help other women, and I am going to share my journey. This isn't going to become a weight loss weigh-in blog, f.y.i., simply one in which as I blossom in all the ways that I am meant to, my physical/mental/emotional/spiritual self will come into balance in a way they never have before. In these few weeks every area of my life has been affected in positive and yes, even beautiful ways.

Today, less than 3 weeks later, I weigh 327 pounds, I am on a new diet (I don't like that word, because it is really a life-style change that will last the rest of my life) and have had no sugar, or carbs, in three+ weeks and feel better than I ever have in my life. If I look at all the weight I have to lose I become so paralyzed and overwhelmed I can barely breathe, but I am not doing that. Each pound lost is a celebration. Each day I have more clarity of vision, both inside and out and into the distance with my long dreamed of life coming more clearly into view by the day. I will reach 60 at my perfect weight. I have serious work to do in this life and it's about damned time I get serious about myself so I can do it. I'm all I've got, and I am more than worth it. We all are. This is my year, in every way possible it is a whole new life. I wrote yesterday, "If not, why not, if not now, when?" and it couldn't be any more apt than starting with my physical health. There is no other choice. When is now.

This is such a beautiful time of life, every moment is an awakening. As I sit here now with my tiny blind pug in my lap, my boys sleeping around me with their soft puggy snores I feel an overflowing river of love and gratitude running through my life and it is a solemn oath that I make to myself in these early days of the new year -- This year I open my self to love, and it starts with me, here, now, in this very moment, body and soul.  The time has come, and it is the perfect time...


d smith kaich jones said...

i am reaching out a hand to hold yours and will be here reading your journey with you. i turned 59 in november and am fighting health issues myself - nothing like yours, but still, no fun, no energy, i need to move more, yada, yada, yada. i am hoping to be better by this november - the big 6.0. (THAT'S hard to type! LOL!)

thank you for posting this. i am impressed and proud to know you.

WillowDudley said...

I too am reaching out to take your hand. I have injured my knee and desperately must lose the weight. I know I can do it because I have done it in the past. I admire what you have done so far. I will be follow along with your journey and, in fact, joining you on it - hobbling along beside you on my painful knee and walking more firmly as the pounds come off. Thanks for your bravery and your wonderful-ness!!! Love to you.... Karen in VA Beach, VA

artlover said...

You are doing great, and wish you well on your new transformational journey!
I feel very bless when I read your post.
You are such a vibrant, and positive soul.
Continue with your great work xox

crochetjo said...

You can do this! We are all cheering you on. With your determination, and your positive outlook, you will make it.

And you're right. It's time to love yourself, and that is not selfish. You have to replenish yourself to be able to keep giving and sharing the way you do. <3

em said...

Maitri my friend,
I'm glad to learn that you're having such a good start on the new year - in spite of illness (and maybe thanks to the illness).
I haven't been here in a while, my computer is dying (but I can't afford a new one), and life is pretty rough for the moment.
Just wanted to give you a hug and plenty of good wishes for the new year.

Waterrose said...

So many of us forget to take care of ourselves...sometimes I think we think we are invincible. Wishing you the best and I know you will succeed! Happy New Year!

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