Thursday, January 17, 2013

"I have an amazingly strong heart, I have been through harder things before, and I will get through this!"

Yesterday I felt your heart trembling, I knew you were afraid. I wanted to move forward, take you in my arms and let you lay your head on my shoulder, stroke your hair and reassure you that everything would be alright, but I can't promise that, and it wouldn't have given you space to grow, to stretch, to discover that you can make it through this hard place that feels like trying to inch yourself through a too small space where the walls are craggy and sharp -- they hurt, you feel the pain in your body -- but even more, the pain in your mind, and the pressing on your heart feels so unbearable you are sure that this time you will not make it. But...

But I knew you would make it. I knew you would make it because I have seen you move through places that were so painful you were sure that this time would be the end, and that nothing could pull you through. But it did because you have within you a deeper faith and a stronger heart than you are fully aware of. I want you to take a great big purple crayon and write it on the wall, "I have an amazingly strong heart, I have been through harder things before, and I will get through this!" Aha! Afraid to write on the wall? Well, what would happen if you did? Would it be the end of civilization as we know it? Not likely, but it would be there as a reminder every time you get in this place. Okay, you can make a big poster, but leave it there. Doodle on it every time you pass by. Glue pictures on it that make you giddy, that inspire you, that makes your heart soar, quotes that will keep your engine running when you think it might give out. Oh yes you can. Make a practice of doing all the things you think you weren't SUPPOSED to do and watch how it changes you when you see that the world doesn't end because you did it. Man, are you in for a delightful surprise!

It's okay to cry, it's okay to be afraid, it's okay to curl up in a ball in a chair for an hour or two, but then by God you are going to get up and take the first step, no matter how small, and you are going to climb that mountain of fear to the pinnacle where you can see 360 degrees around the entirety of your enormous, amazing life. You will see, will be reminded of all of the times that you were sure you couldn't make it but you did. "Did I do THAT?" OH YES YOU DID!

Maybe you survived abuse and even though the road was paved with challenges you made it through to a place where you could build a productive life (...even if those around you didn't understand, no matter, you did, and you do, and it is working for YOU.) Maybe you gave birth to a child, to more than one, and saw that your body was so strong you could survive that which seemed impossible, and just look what you got for your efforts. Maybe you thought you were unworthy of love and then were absolutely shocked to find that many people around you felt that you were incredibly loveable and wanted to be your friend, your partner, your companion in life. Who, you? Yes, you.

I know you are afraid right now but this will pass, it always does. Now get out your purple crayon (or the implement of your choice) and write your dreams BIG, and make bold statements in great big gigantic letters that start, "By God, I made it through ___________ and I know I can make it through ANYTHING!) (Sometimes all capital letters and exclamation points are necessary to feel that enormous OOMPH that you need to feel that message popping and crackling inside, to see that by gosh and by golly it shocks everyone around you!) But...

But it doesn't shock me because I knew you could do it all along. I may not hold you and let you lean into me because that weakens your ability to know how very strong you are, but know that I am always by your side, that there is a presence that knows all of who you are and what you are capable of and is always right there cheering you on and delighted to watch you move mountains and do the thing you thought you could not do. It is time for you to learn that there is not ANYTHING you cannot do. And oh baby, you will never be afraid (for long) again because you know now that you can do it.

Get out your purple crayon now and write it big and bold and shock the world with your audacity. I am having the time of my life watching you. There is no stopping you now...

From, "The Deep Listening Soul Guidebook," 
copyright 2012-2013, Maitri Libellule

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