Our Deeper Womb Powers ~ New Gifts Of Magic...

"As we age, 

we have the chance to reinvent ourselves

and to have new adventures...
As we age, our connection
to our deeper womb power increases
and we are often blessed
with new gifts of magic."

Ingerborg Ten Haeff, at 78

I have fallen in love with Ingerbord Ten Haeff and all of the other women, past midlife and some near 100 years old, who are still full of fire and possibility in the beautiful book of photographs and quotes in Joyce Tenneson's incredible book, Wise Women: A Celebration Of Their Insights, Courage, and Beauty. This book was in it's 4th printing in 2002 and I recently bought it on amazon.com. I have been buying books about women at mid-life and older who, strong and courageous, have kept on working, inspired, full of life, wisdom, and yes, deeper womb powers. At 57 as my own womb makes the transition from youthful fertility to the stronger, powerful womb of the wise woman, I rejoice at all that is, and all that is to come. I could not do the work that I am now doing if I were younger. I dance with delight at the "new gifts of magic" which are opening up to me as I cross the threshold into the last decades of life when the true Self is revealed and who one really is, is discovered fully, at last, if not before, and one can really begin to live. Ingerbord died in May at 95. Oh, what a firecracker she must have been!

I think of women in their 30's and 40's who fear getting older, terrified by the prospect of what lies before them. If only they could see the intense glory that is possible in their golden years, that shimmering time when they can truly do the best work of their whole lives. I have always been in love with Grandma Moses who is often quoted for her famous statement, "If I hadn't started painting I'd have raised chickens." She didn't start painting until she was 75. She died at 101. The year before, at 100, she illustrated Clement Moore's A Visit From Saint Nicholas. I think my motto now is another quote from Grandma Moses. She said, "Life is what we make it. Always has been, always will be."

And so now, at 57, after a lifetime of writing betwixt and between raising three children, and struggling to write at all in the decade plus after my divorce, I have crossed a threshold into that time where I may be a wise womb-woman, in touch with all the possibilities I hold inside, unafraid to tell people who I am and what I am doing and fully jump, as if from a high dive, into the white waters of the decades just ahead. It is exhilarating! There are some days I need to nudge myself to keep myself going, I slip into depression and fear, but not about aging, simply one of those hormonal slumps that a woman my age can go through during the years of "the change," the much feared menopausal years. And yet these years, with all that they bring, are proving to be the most powerful and intense of my life. This truly is the time a wise woman is born. Now I honor my elders and kneel at their feet to learn all that I can. What glorious wisdom they hold.

I have always been a writer and teacher, and even a healer, though I didn't fully realize my fledgling gifts, caught up by other worries about life, about how I might survive, about what would happen to me when my children were grown and when I was alone in the world. It was a decade of forging a soul, of the Phoenix crashing and burning. The last year and a half I have been on the rise. Now I am spreading my wings and about to take a great leap. Inside I am already soaring.

The reason I have written this is because I want all women to realize, at whatever age they now are, that they must live life fully and unafraid. My Zen teacher once asked me, "If not, why not? If not now, when?" It is a question that has been asked of many people, but it is true for any of us at any age. And the answer keeps changing and moving through deeper and deeper levels. "Don't worry about where you are and what you are doing," I want to cry out to my younger sisters, "just do it well and with all your might, don't worry about where you're headed, life will take you there."

And so I moved through my first Reiki attunement, afraid and excited, and when I felt the energy, the heat in my hands as I moved around the table during my turn at my first experience of doing Reiki on another woman in our class, somewhere along the way the fear dropped away. I felt a sense of awe and I had a vision. I was afraid I was making it up, and shy to say what I had seen, but our teacher encouraged me to tell them. When I did the woman I was working on began to cry. The vision was real, I had touched down on what would be the very beginning of my life of using the gift that is developing in my hands and heart, and daily, in meditation, I am amazed at the things that I see. When we are open, our whole universe expands so that we might be more than we ever dreamed possible. It took my breath away. I still tremble with fear, "Will I learn how to use these gifts fully to best serve others?" but I know that worrying never served anyone. We do the work, we move forward one step at a time. If we fall, if we become afraid, if depression lowers a dark cloud over us, we need to know that it will pass. I have been through that these last days but my belief in what I was doing never wavered. Today the clouds parted and I could see the sun, and so it will go all the days of my life, but nothing will stop me, not now, and if I get stuck I will seek out a wise woman to take my hand and help me move forward. I will one day do that for other women.

I look forward to every age. The years ahead are full of potent possibility abundant, a phrase that came to me many years ago and one that becomes more powerful and true all the time. This time in my life can be scary, uncertain, but also full of joy, a celebration. We must allow all of the feelings to arise and know that they are part of the process. Don't get stuck in one phase because the others are coming, and they will keep cycling around because each time we come out stronger, more sure of ourselves, and more on fire to do the work at hand. Oh, what a glorious time this is!

It is time for me to put the parrots to bed now, to make my dinner, to do the normal everyday things in life. Night has fallen and the darkness is a comfort to me. I am a creature of the night. I don't sleep as well which is part of this time of life, and that, too, has its riches. When I go out late with the dogs I sing joyfully up to Mama Moon and dance in the midnight breeze.  As we age every single thing becomes holy, and when I tell each of the parrots goodnight they will stick their little beaks through the bars to give me a kiss, and I will sing their song to each of them. When I hand-raised them from tiny babies I made up a song for them, and each of them knows their own song and gets very excited when I sing to them.

We all like to be recognized. This begins to happen when we truly open ourselves to all that we were meant to be. These are the gifts of magic that are waiting for us as we come into our fullness in the last decades of our lives. Oh, what a joyful prospect this is.

So now I leave you, but I will be back. Write down these words, "I can do this." It doesn't matter what you are referring to, and as the thing changes, as the goals and dreams before us shapeshift, surprise and delight us, let us not be filled with fear, but always get back up and reach for the stars. We were meant to, and if you believe in yourself, so you shall.

With tremendous love for all of my womb-sisters everywhere. Let us celebrate this moment and all of those to come...

 

© 2011 Maitri Libellule

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