Sunday, April 18, 2010

Absorbing My Life...

"I was not looking for my dreams to interpret my life,
but rather for my life to interpret my dreams."

~ Susan Sontag ~

I have been having what Douglas Adams called "A Long Dark Tea-Time Of The Soul." I have realized that I was my own worst enemy when it came to creating the life of my dreams. The poet Mary Oliver wrote, "What will you do with your one wild and precious life?" I have been spending such a bulk of my time on the internet that I have not been able to shovel my way down into that space inside of me that could create that wild and precious life where my dreams could come true. Like a spelunker I am going down into that cave and bringing my dreams back into life, and I am doing it by stepping away, to a large extent, from the internet.

Now, I will answer e-mail, I am taking an absolutely wonderful course from the famous artist-writer-creativity maven, SARK, and I will spend time online doing that, and I will make little notes on Twitter and Facebook to let people know about the work I am doing, updates to the blog, etc. But I will not spend hours online. I have a very large garden to make, a new house to live my way into, 11 animals to care for, and a long put off book to write. I've spent so much time online that I barely know who I am anymore outside of my online life.

I adore this blog and will keep up doing it, but only this one blog. No website, no frills, no lists, no discussion groups except which come with the one class I am taking and I am limiting my participation in that, in other words, I am taking time, from now and on into the future, to live my life more completely in the real world. You have to live a life to have something to write about.

Everyone does their own blogs in their own ways. I am in awe of people who do incredible blogs with daily content that really say something. I do not write here until I have something that feels important for me to share, from my heart, my soul, the center of my being. I can't just chat here. It is not my way. And so if it's 3x a week or every other week, so be it. Essentially, I hope and plan to update the blog once a week.

Also, as has been pointed out to me by one or more close friends, much I have meant to include in the book I am writing I have put on these blogs which lets the air out of my writing balloon and does not give me the time, the energy, or the inclination to write my book at all. I have to write my book. My writing is the most important part of my ability to make money to live on, and I have all but lost it in the last decade when a thirty year marriage ended and my mother started what would be a five year battle with cancer, which ended in December. In an odd way, once those two difficult milestones had passed, I have been able to cross the threshold that I have written about and move into a whole new life. This life is the center of my books. It is the heart of my dreams.

I started this blog some time ago to share my deepest thoughts on things that I felt were important, not just in my life, but in writing about my life as an example, perhaps, of things that I could share that might help others. I will continue to do that. And a bit of my ongoing life here will creep in around the edges because this is my life. But it is time for me to take a deep breath, absorb my own life, and as Sontag put so beautifully, not wait for my dreams to inspire my life, but my to allow my life to interpret my dreams. My dreams, my work, my one wild and precious life. And so I shall.

I will see you here and there and around and about, just from a quieter, slower place. I am not disappearing, I am simply taking time to absorb my own life, so that the real writing that I do will be richer, and the life that I live will be deeper. I need this, I want this, I don't want to miss my one wild and precious life, and I don't plan to.

With the most heartfelt love, admiration, tenderness,



Waterrose said...

Hugs to you and I so glad to hear that you are "living life." I love my blog and I love to read other blogs, but I agree, you have to live life to write about it.

nonizamboni said...

Wishing you rich, happy traveling. It has been my pleasure to know you on line. Only good will come from your decision and I applaud your decision.!

Anonymous said...

I just read this post and the one before. You are a woman with much wisdom. I applaud your decision to dig deeper. I'd been searching for inner peace for years, never realizing it was within me and most of what it took was changing my perspective on life. I currently post two poems, two humorous, and two intrspective pieces each week, and I now don't have any time to focus on other writings and creative endeavors, so I might cut back myself. I love blog life, but I need to remember that I have real life right in front of me. Happy to have found your blog through tribal blogs, and will be back to read your past entries as I am sure they will inspire me.

Bing (PinkLady) said...

MOTHER MAITRI i know where you're coming from. much as i want to spend more time blogging, i just can't or don't have the luxury of time. that's why sometimes it's 3x a week or every other week or 2 weeks. there are times when things happen here and i want to write about it but i eventually forget because of all the other things that came up.

as long as you enjoy what you're doing, it doesn't matter really whether you are a regular blogger or not. just go with the flow.

blessings to you!

Inspirations Unlimited said...

Nice site! I like it!

momZombie said...

I've only just discovered you through Tribal Blogs, so I hope you are not disappearing altogether. I've taken the same approach with my blog and Internet activities. After spreading myself too thin and not seeing any result of that action, I'm now trimming and prioritizing what I do online.

Auntie E said...

I still have a rough time , sometimes, writing on my blogs. I miss my Mother badly and I have been thinking about writing a book about Life with Mom. My up and downs and the Love we shared in the last decades on earth. YOu are right the blogs can sometimes take us away from the things we need to be doing. I am starting to be able to manage the blogs and life. You see I am so Lonely here on this earth and in search for some folks who get it.. this life.. and what we are to be doing with it. All the folk around here are too busy with work and social friends ,that they forget about the hurting folks. I know you know how it is loosing a truly loved one.
I love reading your writing on all your blogs and wish to continue. You are a peace to me at times.

imelda said...

nicde post u are great writer sis

Hazel said...

I wish you well in your endeavors.

It is a brave thing to step away from the comfort of the internet.

The internet is like an addiction which can take over our lives. Computers were supposed to make things easier and give us more time, instead I find I have much less time to spare for the things which are important. But I cannot quite commit to giving up this addiction just yet.

I look foward to hearing how you manage the transition. But don't rush back to tell us... in your own good time!

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