Thursday, August 19, 2010

Pulling Mostly Out Of The Internet And Back Into Life. This Will Be My One Blog...

Turn your face to the sun and the shadows fall behind you. 
~ Maori Proverb ~

I have been trying to figure out, for some time, what happened to me. All my life, since I was a child, I have been an avid reader. My entire house is stuffed to the gills with books and many are books that I have read and reread and clung to like old friends that have pulled me out of dark difficult times more often in my life that I can count. I went from reading sometimes several books at once to falling out of time and space and being sucked -- willingly -- into what might be considered in this day and age, a Bermuda Triangle of sorts. People enter the world of the net and eventually, over time, all but disappear from the real world. And as I live alone it has been all too easy to do just that. Sucked into the void I have spent more and more time on the net so that I have receded less and less from the real world, from my real writing, from reading, from my art. It was almost like the internet was the real world and the rest of life was just killing time until I got back to the net.

Please Note: I speak only for myself and my own experience. Whatever anyone else does and how they do it and how they balance it with their own lives is up to them and may suit them very well. I do make not judgements. I simply came to the point in my own life when I knew something was seriously wrong and had to change. 

Also, I have come to the realization that if I spend too much time blogging it sucks the life out of my real writing, like letting helium out of a balloon. I need to fill my balloon back up. I need to write more and blog less. I need to sell my artwork locally with perhaps a few internet sales here and there but only from my blog. And I desperately need to make more money to live on and I cannot do that blogging and try to maintain a shop in which I have not sold one item in 3 months despite my best efforts. I am walking away from the internet to a great extent and back into my life. Imagine that. Real people. Time to write, to read. Time to be.

Now, I am certainly not leaving the net entirely. This will be my one blog and I will at least update it weekly and bi-weekly when I am able. I will actually get a lot more work done with my art because I am not glued to the computer in a way that leaves me not enough time to truly do my work. I feel as if I am walking out of a long dark tunnel back into the light.

Now, mind, as I said above, I love the net, it's a really wonderful resource, I have made some very dear friends through the net and I will keep in touch with them. I'm not falling off of the face of the earth, but there have been all too many times when I had very dear, personal e-mails in my box and didn't get around to them sometimes for weeks because I ran right to Facebook, Twitter, my etsy shop, updated blogs, running like a chicken without a head. This had to stop.

 This has been coming for some time. I have thought about it very often. I have simply not known what to do. Yesterday I got some chilling news and was so terrified all day long that I was not even functional. I cried. I couldn't breathe. I curled up in my big chair as if in the fetal position with a pug in my arms, clinging to him for dear life and burying my face in his warm soft Teddy Bear like coat. And then I caught my breath. I cancelled things. I returned things. I said NO to things, I quit Facebook, Twitter, etsy, one blog, and more. I had several toolbars for bookmarks and I emptied 3 of them completely. I fell back into my chair exhausted, shaking, and crying. And then...

After a brief time which might be considered terrifying withdrawal, I began to feel relief creeping back in around the edges. I know that the ramifications will not be felt for some time, but already last night and today I have gotten so much fiber work done I am almost shocked. I have deleted tons of mail and answered the important mail. I set up a private e-mail account just to write "real letters" via e-mail to my nearest and dearest. I felt joy.

Beethoven once wrote, "I write you letters by the thousands in my mind." I always thought that that was beautiful, but the thing is that you can write a thousand in your mind but if nobody receives them how do you sustain a friendship or other relationship? Now instead of getting on Facebook or worrying about Twittering, I can actually have a long, slow, peaceful time to write to my nearest and dearest. I can use the internet as the great resource that it is for my writing and art, I can do this one blog, and I can write my book. And that's just exactly what I am going to do. 

I am, in large part, leaving the internet. Life is the main goal, and the internet is a wonderful, joyful thing to be a part of my life but only a slender piece of the pie, not the whole thing. 

Balance. I seek balance. I am afraid, this is a big leap, life is scary right now in more ways than I will share here, and I am taking care of myself as best I can.

So I wanted to share this with all of you and let you know that I will be here. Please know that I read and treasure every single comment people leave here. The comments mean more to me than I can say. I receive them like a beautiful gift but seldom have time to respond. It's not that I don't want to, it is because life won't allow it. I am guarding my life and my time zealously as I make these changes and get  back on track. 

I am waving at you and sending you much love and warm hugs from the other side of the screen here. I hope to hear from some of you who are true friends via e-mail and there is a link here near the top on the right to e-mail me. I may not be quick to answer but I will treasure each of your mails and do what I can to answer. I bow in deep gratitude to each and every one of you. 

I am afraid. I am confused. I am uncertain, but I just keep walking through the darkness toward the light. It's time. And now I know I can make it. 

Warm Regards & Deepest Blessings to All,


Split Rock Ranch said...

This isn't the first time today that I've read something from someone who has decided to get back out into "the real world". I think it is all part of where we're at together in this great journey called Life. Many are seeking out others and I find it beautiful. Warm hugs to you as you embark on yet another segment of your journey.

plin said...

One of the reason why I still haven't joined Facebook is for the same reason. I couldn't get myself to start connect with people knowing that I will never truly get to know those people again but I will spend countless hours trying to get a glimpse of their lives.

Best of luck to your personal endeavors and I look forward to any books you come up with.

Victoria SkyDancer said...

You know I don't care if you have one blog or 101 blogs. I'll always be checking in on you; and you can ALWAYS check in with me. I'll even figure out how to make lattes for you. ;-)

Blessed Be,

Laane said...

It's a great step...great as good.
But you make me worry about you because of what you said. You cried about it.

If I can be of help, please let me know.

We'll be in court next wednesday, hoping the judge will have the wisdom to see we're just a normal family.
But after the people we've had in our lives the past weeks my trust is not anymore what it used to be.

I hope you're able to enjoy life and be aware of it every moment.


JT Locke said...

The journey of life is a great and unpredictable one. Closing one chapter and opening another one is always overwhelming to me, as I'm more than sure it is to everyone.

I enjoyed your other blogs as I have this one. Please continue to post occasional pictures of your fiber work and other projects.

Know that you are in our thoughts and prayers as you embark on this new chapter!

Jean said...

Your post is a wake-up call for me.
Thanks and Hugs!

digiVickie said...

Oh, I was worried when you disappeared from Facebook ... now I understand. I too have found myself taking a new path, cutting way back on internet activity. Now that's NEW ... thinking of myself for a change ;)

Stay true to YOU, you'll be fine. {{{hugs}}}

Jennifer Robin said...

Must be something in the air, because your post reflects so much of what I too have been feeling lately. I admire your strength and fortitude in taking this path, Maitri. I may just have to come back and reread it from time to time to remind myself of my own goals of seeking balance in daily life. You inspire me. Thank you.

June Zach (Fledgling Blogger) said...

I am touched by your article.

Internet is not everything. We all need balance and you are on the right track Maitri.

Speaking of my own experience, I also have that kind of feeling to quit blogging but my friends have encouraged me not to. Taking a break will definitely help.

Take your precious time. What matters most is what God wants you to do. :)

jakill said...

I'm really sorry to hear about your 'chilling news' that made you cry. Thank goodness you had your pugs for comfort. Do whatever you have to do and know that there are plenty of us rooting for you through the ether anyway.

Mom's Cafe Home Cooking said...

My dear Maitri, you are will sorely be missed from the blogsphere and I for one will miss our tweets. I understand what you are doing and wish you only the very best. Please keep in touch though. From the bottom of my heart I'm wishing you all the best!

Dorothy L said...

You will be missed my sweet friend. I have always maintained a balance between real life and time spent on the Internet. I spend a disciplined amount of time working on research for my website which is all about supporting women and their daily issues and challenges. I also spend again a disciplined time on blogging.
If one does not discipline their time..they can very easily fall short when it comes to real life versus Internet life...that is fact. AS everything one does...a balance is a very vital measure~
Good luck on finding yours and stay well~

Maitri said...

I want to thank you all so much for your very dear, kind, meaningful comments. This is harder for me than I can say, and yet I know that it is the right thing. The moving from one world into another where nothing is certain on either side is scary and yet I know it's right. I have to concentrate on my writing right now and take care of my babies. All of them were checked here last night by the vet and I am waiting for the results that I will have tomorrow to see if my beloved pug, Sampson, the one pictured with me, has cancer. If that is so he could only have 3-6 months. I am begging you all to pray with me to see that this is not the case. In any event he will need surgery to have growths removed. This is one of the big shocks that I was referring to. LIFE pulls you back into life and what is most important.

Even if I can only pop in to comment collectively as now, know that you are all always in my thoughts and prayers and heart, and that this blog will be here and we will not lose touch, and there's a link to my e-mail near the top of the page if anyone really needs to reach me.

I love you all. Please pray for my Sam...


Lin said...

Sending love and hugs to you, Sam, and the rest of the gang. Prayer works miracles.

As for leaving the net--I think it is a good thing sometimes. I too, have found it increasingly difficult to manage all that I have bookmarked on this darn computer. I have completely backed off this summer, and it helps a ton to just breathe a bit of fresh air for a bit.

Do what you need to and find yourself, your art, and your heart again. We'll all still be here when you need us.

please keep us up on Sam too.

snoring solutions said...

Best of luck to your personal endeavors and I look forward to any books you come up with.I hope you're able to enjoy life and be aware of it every moment.

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