Thursday, June 4, 2009

Tonight I Sang To My Mother...

Every night in my dreams
I see you, I feel you,
That is how I know you go on

Far across the distance
And spaces between us
You have come to show you go on

Near, far, wherever you are
I believe that the heart does go on
Once more you open the door
And you're here in my heart
And my heart will go on and on

Love can touch us one time
And last for a lifetime
And never let go till we're gone

Love was when I loved you
One true time I hold to
In my life we'll always go on

Near, far, wherever you are
I believe that the heart does go on
Once more you open the door
And you're here in my heart
And my heart will go on and on

You're here, there's nothing I fear,
And I know that my heart will go on
We'll stay forever this way
You are safe in my heart
And my heart will go on and on

My Heart Will Go On
Lyrics: James Horner and Will Jennings
From the movie, The Titanic

Now, we are so very close to the end. I talk to my mother twice a day. She is fading, weakening, she is ready, and yet she is sad, as are we all. Last weekend when my dear ex-husband flew all three of our children and their spouses/partners plus our precious grandbaby back to see her, it meant the world to her, and my daughter told me that after they walked out of the room for the last time they walked out with their arms around each other, crying. They knew it would be the last time they ever saw her alive.

Since I am so far I feel the need to talk to her often while I can and tell her how much I love her. I read things to her, I share my heart and my love with her, and she with me, and tonight I sang to her.

Today I babysat my five year old wee little man, and in the car on the way home I was listening to Celine Dion sing "My Heart Will Go On," and I started weeping. I know my mother will be with me always. We have talked much about this, and we both believe it's true. I kept singing the song after I got home and in a rather shy move I called her and sang the song to her. By the end we were both crying, telling each other how much we love each other, and I reminded her of the poem she always read to me, her adopted child...

~ Adoption Creed ~

Not flesh of my flesh
nor bone of my bone,
but still miraculously my own.

Never forget for a single minute,
that you grew not under my heart,
but in it.

Author Unknown

Time is short now, and there is no longer any reason to talk about the end. She is ready, she is at peace. She is tired. I sit now in a vigil, silent, close to all that is holy, the only movement, my prayer beads through my fingers, while the pug at my side snores loudly. He grounds me, this funny little snoring pug, and he sleeps with me to let me know that I am safe.

And so as the song and the poem speak, she is safe in my heart, and I in hers, where I grew, and our love will go on and on...


Mike Golch said...

eat Posting,I know that both my Mom and Dad are close by me as well.

Anonymous said...

This is absolutely beautiful! God bless you.

Glynis said...

Beautiful, sad but beautiful. My thoughts are with you.

One Creative Queen said...

Wow.Thank you for sharing your heart so openly. Beautiful. xx

Victoria SkyDancer said...

sitting silently in vigil with you...

Eli said...

Very touching story from the heart. It made me remember with fondness my own dearly departed mother. Keep on sharing your wonderful thoughts and feelings through your posts.

czaroma said...

I was deeply touched by your story. Beautiful... Yes, she would be at peace and the most you can do is keep her in your heart.

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