Let Me Fall, Let Me Climb ~ "The one I want, The one I will become, Will catch me ..."

"Let me fall
Let me climb
There's a moment when fear
And dreams must collide

Someone I am
Is waiting for courage
The one I want
The one I will become
Will catch me

So let me fall
If I must fall
I won't heed your warnings
I won't hear them

Let me fall
If I fall
Though the phoenix may
Or may not rise

I will dance so freely
Holding on to no one
You can hold me only
If you too will fall
Away from all these
Useless fears and chains

Someone I am
Is waiting for my courage
The one I want
The one I will become
Will catch me

So let me fall
If I must fall
I won't heed your warnings
I won't hear

Let me fall
If I fall
There's no reason
To miss this one chance
This perfect moment
Just let me fall..."

From Cirque de Soleil
Sung by Josh Groban

(Click above link to
see video and hear
Josh Groban sing
this stunning song.)

Music has always been the great healer for me. My companion in sorrow, in joy, and in coming to a deeper understanding of myself throughout the process I am going through at the moment. Roughly 7 years ago Josh Groban came onto the scene with his first c.d. and stunned the world, this young man with the deep, melodic voice that sent an arrow straight through your heart. His voice a vehicle for the deepest, darkest, saddest, and most moving songs. I played the c.d. over and over again. My nearly 30 year marriage was over, I was alone, lost, and I fixated on this one song. All I could hear was "Let me fall..." In my blurred, heartbroken mind those were the only lyrics I could hear, and the music itself carried me on a journey. I was suicidal at that time, and if I went, I would have been falling with the music of this song...

Fortunately, many years have passed and I am in a much better place. I have my ups and downs, my hardships and and sorrows, but somehow, I always rise. I think it has been a growing and strengthening of faith, plus a growing strength and fortitude inside myself, and nothing speaks better to this process, moving from one state of being to another than this song, Groban's unbelievably beautiful voice, and if you click on that link above and watch the video of him singing the song while Cirque de Soleil performs, falling through the air, and rising back up again, falling and rising, you will, if your heart is open, take in a picture of life, of all that is possible within us, of how the falling is necessary if we are to rise again.

Too, I feel the message that has been so important to me -- we must let go, we must fall, to escape the chains that have bound us, the pain, the misconceptions and things that were holding us back, we must cut the proverbial strings and fall, fall, fall, and when once again we begin our upward ascent, "the one I want, the one I will become will catch me..." It reminded me of a mother bird pushing a terrified baby bird out of the nest. He would never have learned that he could fly had she not, and now he soars. We must be our own mothers, tossing the old self out of the nest and watching with pride as our brave, new, trembling Self takes flight for the first time.

I am going through some very hard times right now for numerous reasons, but I am a woman who, at 54, has grown in faith, and faith in myself, and the will to live in me is strong, is exuberant, carries me over the swift running waters that would carry me downstream and away forever. I am past the point of no return, I am walking the first steps of a new life, one I can't even yet fully imagine, but the most important step of all is realizing that I have turned that corner, and let myself fall, so that the one I would become would catch me. I have reached that place, much to my surprise, and I played that song over and over and over yesterday, crying, not tears of sorrow, but tears of joy and gratitude for how far I have come.

You've got to hear the song to understand, and let it lift you up, and let yourself fly...

My deepest love to you all,